I haven’t run a really long race since January and that was a terrible experience.

Bandera this past year was 30 degrees, cold, sleeting and muddy!  So you’d think coming into the Hells Hills 50 miler would be a welcome…almost heavenly run.

BUT….

I’ve bitten off a lot to chew…something I think may be finally too much.  I’m currently training to run the Tahoe Rim Trail 100 mile race in July.  So much has happened since that decision…like hiring a full-time running coach, Erik Stanley, to help me.  It’s been a lot of hard work…going to the workouts, running every single day (which I never really used to do) and treating races as stepping stones to “The Big One”.

That last part has been one of the hardest concepts for me to deal with.  I’m not loud about it but I AM competitive…if you put me in the right atmosphere [foreshadowing] I don’t back down and I’ll give it everything I have until I hurt myself or pass out.

The Rocky Hill Ranch course for Hell’s Hills is a formidable one.  It sneaks up on you…with terrain that never seems to level out and has so many turns it’s near impossible to get a solid flow or rhythm to your pace.  This year the course was made even more difficult by having some really rutted out sections due to the Lost Pines marathon and duathlon that took place there just a few weeks ago. On a side note: I raced that marathon and ran like I was on fire!  I was excited to run two races at Rocky Hill Ranch because I knew if I could just do well in one of them I’d be happy with having a bad day at the other.

I spoke to Erik just before the race and we agreed that since my long term goal is Tahoe…I should just focus on how I feel the day of the race and not think too hard about running a certain pace or setting a goal.  I felt good about that.  Erik is big on racing the field and not worrying so much about the clock.  To an amateur ultra-marathoner that’s not an easy concept to embrace…we plan EVERYTHING…usually just in preparation for feeling our best throughout the race and getting thru the distance.

In a sick, twisted turn of fate I happened to have a depression episode that lasted for 3 days before the race.  It destroyed my ability to train for two days and I was feeling defeated and weak (both mentally and physically) the night before the race…I still wasn’t recovered from it as I fell asleep that night.  Great…I had NEVER started a race during one of these…I was SO afraid it would just make me want to quit or not even START.

Waking up that morning I decided to stick to the plan.  I didn’t stress myself out too much with a ton of extra planning, I got there about 30 minutes before the start (which I’d normally stress out about) and just calmly waited for the race to start.  I brought food and gels, my water…but no extra shoes or clothes…I wanted to just stick to taking my time and focusing on feeling good the whole time.

As the race began I quelled the excitement that usually gets me running out with the lead pack…but as it turns out everyone was easing into this race so it wasn’t difficult to slot in right behind them.  For the next 15 miles I would just keep my attention on what was right in front of me (which happened to be a LOT of trees with a pitch black 5am start time).  My light was fresh with new batteries and I started to get tunnel vision as I just looked straight ahead at what I could see.  For what seemed like ages, I struggled to make sense of the course markings and I ended up getting lost or having to stop to look around and get my bearings.  It was a long couple hours of darkness before the sun rose.

There’s something about running in the woods, in the dark that makes you feel like a scared deer and that feeling was never stronger than when I came around a turn to find a 10 foot tall Easter Bunny staring at me as I neared the bluebonnet field…”Holy Crap!” I screamed…luckily with nobody around me to embarass myself.  THAT woke me up from my zombie night mode…and just in time because the sun was coming up!

After getting thru the field there’s really a fairly smooth 9 miles or so back to the start (this race is 3 loops).  Since I was feeling good I decided to see if I could make an even 2.5 hour split which would give me a good goal for the second loop to match it.  I figured whatever happened on the 3rd loop I would just accept (feel good: try to get a good time, feel bad: slow down and chalk it up as a training run).

I got in from the first loop at 2 hours and 33 minutes…pretty close to my goal which got me excited for the second loop.  So excited that I really should have stayed at the aid station a while longer.  But I was excited to see if I could get another 2.5 hour loop in.  So I took off on my second round.  It went pretty well but as I neared the end of it I started to feel a little fatigued.  Maybe the monster progressive run I had just done on Tuesday…or me not listening to “Coach” and pushing a little too hard on Wednesday too.  But I figured I was still right on track for my strategy.

Frustration started to set-in as I neared the marathon distance and inevitably compared how I felt and what time I was at to the Lost Pines Marathon (I know, not a good policy to do this during a race but I wasn’t in a good place at this point).

As I got closer and closer to Loop 3, I had aid station volunteers telling me I was in contention for a podium spot.  That was exciting but also stress inducing and nobody seemed to know just where the 50 milers were…we were so spread out.  So as I started my third loop I tried to take advantage of the gap between me and the next 50 mile runner.  I gingerly left the aid station with a PB&J in one hand and a cup of Pringles in the other.  For the next mile or so I was mostly walking…and eating…trying to wash it all down my dry throat in-between chewing.

The fatigue had soon turned into pain…my legs were hurting…I was tightening up and my knees and hips started to ache from the constant ups, downs and creek crossings on the course.  I started to run intervals after about 5 miles in and figured I still might have a good cushion to go easy for a while.

Just as I got used to that feeling I was finishing up at an aid station and see none other than Thomas Orf barreling down on me.  He was getting to the aid station as I was leaving…NOT GOOD…and looked to be in good spirits…EVEN WORSE.  As soon as I saw that I snapped back into competition mode almost instantaneously!  The next 3-4 miles was a complete blur…I was on that last 9 mile stretch and had found some good flow (along with that “red mist” of fierce competition).  I kept telling myself that I got myself into this trouble…I’ll get myself out of it…even with aching, screaming joints and waning energy levels.  But all along I was worried how long I’d be able to keep up a 9 mile kick at the end of a 50 mile race!!!

The last 5 miles were high stress….running hard on the stretches I knew were level or downhill…saving my energy by power-hiking the hills.  Some of those hills are the worst on the course as you enter a big mountain biking area just before the last 2 miles.  I kept looking back to see if I could see anybody but at this point the 50k racers were mixed in with us and I didn’t have time to worry about whether it was Thomas or somebody not even racing me.  I just had to focus.

After getting thru the last of the mountain biking hills I just wanted to walk…but I kept envisioning Thomas barreling down on me and a neck-to-neck last mile…I didn’t know if I had the energy to do that but I was going to try one last kick whether he was there or not.  It worked and I hit a great sub-8 minute pace as I rolled down the last Jeep road to the finish.  Surprisingly it felt amazing…everything was working…I was sore as hell but still able to hold the effort and I passed 5-6 50k racers as I pushed thru the finishing chute.

As I get across the line with Courtney congratulating me and taking pictures all I could do was hold my knees and try to catch my breath…then I hear, “Congratulations, 3rd place!” and was handed a trophy.  What an amazing finish to a race full of emotions…this is one I’ll remember for a long time!